by Adam "AJ" Golub
This week on The Challenge: Battle of the Exes, our combatants starting embracing their familiar roles. We had the inevitable and unceremonious early-season disqualification (poor Sarah - there was no justice when her feminist fate was sealed by her oafish teammate who thought it would be cool to cause an impromptu nipple slip); the indefatigable Wes claiming how bad everyone is at life compared to him (cue his elimination this week after being manhandled by LeRoy); and the (yawn) heavily-spoilered one punch confrontation between Tyree and "Ex" one-time makeout partner, Jasmine. As will be the custom every week, I size up the competition in Battle of the Exes with a Top 5 Power Rankings.
I want to give honorable mention to our all-lesbian team of Aneesa and Rachel. For those old enough to remember, Aneesa joined us at the turn of the century in Real World: Chicago, a season best remembered for introducing future Skinemax all-stay, Tonya Cooley, upon the world. I think Tonya would have been perfect for this season, but she causes MTV’s insurance premiums to skyrocket every time she’s put into a house with these people, so I digress. Aneesa was openly bi-sexual from the get-go, so it was natural that she would hook up with inaugural Road Ruleser (Road Ruler?) Rachel Robinson on a subsequent Challenge. Kudos to the two of them being the only all-female team while staying competitive through 2 weeks.
Onto our Fab 5:
5. Mark and Robin: Veteran savvy, cagey big game experience, and steroid fueled athleticism will keep this team in the Top 5 unless they continue to perform as poorly as they did this past Wednesday.
4. TJ Lavin: 'Mr. You Killed It' is having a renaissance of his own, in his second season back from major reconstructive surgery to 97% of his entire body after a biking accident, seen here. He’s starting to look a little more like TJ and a little less like the Six Million Dollar Man as he did last season. The “You killed it’s” and in-game analysis have been flowing like wine from TJ, the best game show host since Will Ferrell as Alex Trebek. Good to have you back, my dude.
3. LeRoy and Naomi: LeRoy is the Lebron James of the Challenge. Still bursting with youthful exuberance, this, in his prime, stud is the most physically gifted Challenger to enter the scene since Kenny “Mr. Beautiful” Santucci. LeRoy was inarguably last season’s MVP in his rookie year, carrying dorky Mike to the grueling Final Challenge. Only poor teammate performance and inexperience can keep this physical freak down. Absolute annihilation of Wes in this week’s elimination challenge puts everyone this side of CT on full-blown notice.